Update of my near-to-hectic life

What's life to you? Life's funny. Life's exhilarating. Life's exciting. Life hurts. Life sucks. My father though...pretty much: 

SUCKS THE LIFE OUT OF ME! 

You know what he says? He reckons you don't need a life! NOT YET. You gotta study YOUR ASS OFF and then live when you're OLD but rich and famous. 

What's there to my life now? He prompts me with university applications and my studies! It's all rush rush rush rush!! ARG! ARGAGRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKAKAKAAAAAA!! (how would that sound?) It's not my only pile of work. Oh Nooooo... Nope! Not at all....ive gots MORE! :D (the smile's suppose to make me feel better but it doesn't).  Here's what I've got to do by the end of this week or within this week...

1. AT LEAST finish my UK UNI applications. 
2. Apply for SAT test
3. Apply for Toefl test
4. Apply for ACT test
5. Finish my SAT prep hw (Before Thursday)
6. Finish the Science day decor
7. Finish my the "Iraq war Vs Us dollar recession" paper (RIGHT NOW)
8. Finish the "Socks" paper (TOMORROW)
9. Finish Figures of Speech HW
10. Finish Narrative writing HW
11. Finish writing all notes
12. Finish Siduarjo report (By Friday)
13. Art Proposal (Thursday?)
14. Prep Brandon for his Math competition
15. Finish my 1st term coursework (by Sunday)
16. Finish Wicked book
17. Finish Jane Eyre book
18. Write UNI essays
19. Mom's painting (been procrastinated for 2 weeks!)
20. etc etc...

SHIIIIITTTTT!!!!!!! HOLY CRAAAAAAAAAAAAPP!!!!!

Oh...not to mention that I still am falling. FALLIIIIINNNGGGG. Hope there's basketball practice tomorrow...despite the underlying stress crouching just beneath the thin sheet of my skin I want to "waste" a little time to do something sport oriented...it help's me feel better. You know...sport is somewhat of a masochistic behaviour? You're forcing your body to do something it's not used to resulting to tireness and discomfort....isn't that basically hurting yourself hence masochistic? Hahahaha,  I find that somewhat of an amusement. 

Ranting

          The first time I heard the term "Oxymoron", I thought it meant a dumb Ox...but then again, people tend to judge animals such as and ox, DUMB..never underestimate stupidity. The word "Oxymoron" means: a paradox reduced to two words, usually in an adjective-noun or adverb-adjective. In plain english it means : a phrase containing contradicting claims. If you still don't get it you must be one of the many neanderthals of the world. 

          What I'm getting at here is that at the moment my life seems to be a never ending swirl of mix-and-matched oxymoron. It's still the utterly boring normal contradictions in life but it's still enough to simply drive me mad. I mean, seriously! What the hell am I suppose to think about at such an age other than boys, school, friends and not-turnin-disgustingly-obese-while-still-able-to-scarf-down-fatty-junk-foods-and-drinks? That was a rhetorical question. Still! It's so normal that it drives me insane! Sure, I think and consider the occasional lets-kill-ourselves-life-has-no-meaning-the-world-sucks-and-all-that-lovely-and-wonderful-shit and I-want-to-kill-you-all-you-bastards-and-bitches but honestly, that's as far as it goes. No world domination plans (other than on a whimsical moment where I've been consuming a large proportion of sweets, caffeine and/or alcohol. I have yet to smoke pot and am not planning to anytime soon), no I-want-your-babies thoughts (though there has been some jokes and teases), no lets-bomb-the-school (okay, there HAS been thoughts of that), no damn other thing except normality! How boring is that?! I mean, I don't wanna go bun-jee jumping or Base jumping (Actually, I do want to try Base jumping, it sounds fucking awesome and yet so overwhelmingly scary) just for the sake of having my adrenaline go pumping and me being in the state of paranoia, I can get enough of that by sneaking out and getting into trouble then running away from overweight principals...no offense, yeh. So...before I begin to ramble on into a string of words that would mount to actually nothing at all, I conclude that this life is BORING! What does a girl have to do to get some fun? Some abnormality and excitement? Run into the woods? Jump off a thousand-storey building? Play hooky? Strip? Club? WHAT?! I mean...back then there was the whole war thing and adventure and whatnot, people tell me I should be thankful and crap but since I've grown up with it and it's always been there, how the hell am I suppose to be grateful?! Why do you think I read so much? To run away from reality! Why do you think I write so much? Draw so much? Why do you think I fucking dream and fantasize so much? Cause I can't have it in this oh-so-dreary life! Oh woe is me, the Gods seem to see it fit that I should simply deteriorate with old age with nothing better to do than suck it up, be a big girl, and finish my part in finishing this crappy life, give birth to an equally boring child that's to be condemned to live in a growingly boring world that's no more than a Life that's sprouting invisible cage bars!

It's so pathetically sad. Just sad sad sad. That's why this year I've adjourned to become slightly more crazy...my new years resolution was to actually have fun and do something significantly crazy this year! Something you could remember when you're old and rotting with saggy boobs, balding hair and all that jazz. Doesn't anyone get it? My mom says you can't have both an actual life and successful work life. You can only get one. I want both. Oh selfish me. I'm gonna prove to you all that I can get both! Damn you all! I'm gonna have my way, die trying, and get a therapist to see me through it! If the therapist disagrees with such planned actions I shall either have his testicles removed or her fallopian tubes..or ovaries. Believe me, I can find out how. The joy of an insane life beckons to me invitingly. Damn the beuty of temptation. We shall see who lives longer..my body, my will or my sanity. Then again...I'm already the sanest insane person of this world in my most stubborn opinionated head.

Another concert night

          MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE! and.... HAPPY BIRTHDAY ARMAND!!!!

 

          It really was fucking awesome…minus the horrible experience of near-death-from-suffocation. We arrived quite late due to a certain someone’s (cough cough, Darma, cough) lateness and persuasion for us to wait for him. Alas, my threatens of throwing him in a giant human blender did not quicken his pace; much too slow for any teenager that’s excited for a concert. We finally got in with a flash of our tickets and a quick patting down to check no bombs were stuck on us. It was already packed inside (on the floor, not the disgustingly, peeling bleachers) and I had to bite my lip to swallow back a mumble of curses at the early arrivals.

          We sat, we stood, we sat, we stood again. The reason for this ridiculously tedious behaviour is the stupid, fake, annoying, frustrating hoots that suddenly erupt amongst the crowd (The middle-front part was already jammed and people littered at the back) that totally would get you going at least the first time…maybe even second. Pretty soon you’d be screaming out “Shut the fuck up!” and “Fuck you all!” so on and so forth, it really was quite a lovely crowd. When it did start I was stuck in between bodies that quite literally dragged me into the moving-forward surge in everyone’s attempt to get a closer standing spot. Darma and I had to latch on to each other’s arm (one chaining the other) in order not to get separated in the much vigorous throng of bodies. You really did have to elbow and butt back or you’d get pummeled. Despite my attempts to fight back, in the end I felt violated and abused. I felt sick. Disgusted. Putrid. Marred, Bruised, Molested. It was like a free grope fest for horny guys. (It got as bad as more than fifty (?) people being pulled out of the throng…and it got to a point that two strangers on different occasions rescued me from the tight wedge of heat-emitting bodies and asking if I was alright in a concerned tone and face) Honestly! It’s really that bad! At first I was worried that I’d either be trampled on or have my cell phone or camera or money be stolen from me but after that first touch I was more worried for my body. Someone molested my waist, someone more-or-less hugged me, and someone grabbed my ass. Yes…my definitely-far-from-hot ass. The person was either really desperate to look for a cheap feel or doing it to everyone else. In that jam-packed moment I couldn’t even swivel around to look at the guilty face! All I could do was mutter out “Oh God…help me.”. The only positive thing I could get out of that was at least no one grabbed the ones in front….someone did elbow it though. I was also stuck in a mosh-pit that suddenly started around me. It was like being thrown about like a rag doll, you seriously can’t stand your ground with teenage males gushing out Niagara sweat-falls and BO slamming you about. I yelped quite a bunch of times. Darma saved me maybe four times or more…I felt bad for being dependant on him, I pratically felt like a child (but I reimbursed his deeds with a McDonalds treat).

          But despite the horrid concert floor experience, the concert rocked! (We actually got real close to the front though we lost Dhika in the crowd) If anyone wants crappy pictures I’ll be happy to provide. Mikey Way was hot! In the flesh he was hotter…Gerard seems to have grown some weight (I have a few pictures of h im with quite the noticeable bump of a belly), and Ray……no comment, still don’t really like the hair but thank God Mikey grew his hair!

 

          I washed all the gropings off my body as soon as I got home. I scrubbed and scrubbed till my skin was near to red-raw, I felt like trash (Darma said he too felt like trash for he drank from the offered bottle which more or less has been shared by many and also because he may have licked someone’s sweat in the confusion). Soaking wet from both the rain and sweat, I had stumbled inside my house (the door held open by my quite amused father) and crawled into the bathroom where I proceeded to literally peel off my clothes to get under the cold blast of water that got a squeal out of me.

          It’s half past one…. Oh, I’m so tired… Mentally and physically. I don’t want nightmares of gropes and molestations though…I’d rather dream of the greatly distorted picture of that person. He’s still able to give me that twinge in my chest and get me deliriously and suddenly happy. I want to stay skeptical about him so that I won’t be disappointed or crushed but I can’t seem to stop. Shit shit shit. How is one person able to get you so happy or so depressed with minimal actions and words? The person who made the quote “Ignorance is a bliss” has either got to be damn-straight sarcastic or simply demented…or a masochist. It’s not a bliss. It isn’t…but then again…it’s quite true that happiness kind of lies in the heart of discomfort.

          I’m moving rooms

          Envelopes mean you have extra tickers

          Buying posters after the concert’s a rip off but you do so anyway

          Next time wear something sharp so that no one comes near

          Get to concerts early

          I have school tomorrow

          I have a fucking chemistry quiz to fail tomorrow

          I’m really tired and sleepy but I can’t sleep

          I miss someone I tantalize myself with

          Guilt waits just around the corner if a certain event should occur

          Turns out I’m definitely not a good girl

          I got a “free” poster from someone that can only be described as “Bego”

          Mikey Way is really hot

Distortion in the norm

          My fingers hurt...I've tried to learn guitar on my own after a warm up of trying to play impossible piano pieces and have come to no avail except the middle three fingers on my left hand aching with dull throbs. 

          So apparently, I woke late today due to weariness. I didn't arrive late, though. Nope. Just stayed outside with mich eating "Bubur ayam" (chicken porridge) with white, colourful-bordered crackers dunked in the off-white porridge slop passed off as food. Honestly, it didn't look appetizing but it tasted much better than it seems to look. So anywhoo, we waited for Darma and Gavin. Darma showed up dead last (at just over half past seven...whilst we arrived about twenty minutes prior) with Anky showing up just before him. We trailed in and went to class per normal...kinda of?

          My shots (basketball) didn't go in today....pissed me off. But it went in during the end of break which annoyed me like hell. 

          He came today...though I didn't really see him, it amusingly, pathetically delighted me so..yet...disappointed me too. I was skeptical, honestly, I was....yet..I couldn't help it. He's distorted in my mind now....for I thought of him too much. He's like a semi-transparent layer that lies in between each thought. ready to jump and interfere and muddle. Please...do me a favour and do something I'd hate you for. Punch me in the face, scream profanities at me...anything. It might be better if I don't feel this way. But I'm still curious...i still yearn. Disgustingly, pathetically, amusing, aren't I?

I'm not much for writing today.

Switchfoot concert! Gay MSN convo!

          I should be sleeping right about now. I have to wake up tomorrow at about seven to go watch and cheer on for our school’s team at the SLI cup! We so gotta win…This blog pissed me off about two nights back so I shan’t write much due to slight ginger caution but I’ll give a summary..

          We went to the Switchfoot concert on Thursday night! It fuckin’ rocked just that the crowd was unbelievably dead! There we’re people there that didn’t seem to have known Switchfoot at all! It’s horrible! Poor Switchfoot! Honestly…।it’s sad. I mean, Switchfoot rocked…(btw, if anyone wants crappy pictures and videos: I got em) Jon even got off the stage and walked through the crowds as he sang “On Fire”. Anyways…I went with Darma, Dhika, Milla, Milla’s sis and her friend, Spencer (he took Gavin’s ticket, lol! Sorry Spence! We didn’t find Gege...who was suppose to come too but didn’t! shmeh!), and Darma’s friends that got the tickets from the booth for us at extremely low prices! Thankfully, no one threw up in this concert like someone did during the fall out boy concert! I got…Andrew’s or Jon’s pick (Omigosh! I know, right?!) but I gave it to Milla since she seems to want it oh-so-badly and the canary-yellow-and-slightly-dirty-neon-yellow-with-a-black-stain pick didn’t seem to appeal to me as much.

          So anywhoo…..nothing else that’s new. I can’t stay for long….oh! Darma met Hafez online just a few minutes ago….omigosh! what a GAY conversation! I shall copy and paste their conversation…..lol. I swear to you all (if there’s anyone out there reading this) that I did NOT change a single word!!

 

Darma has been added to the conversation.

(w) [Insomniatic] says: (11:20:42 PM)hfez!

(w) [Insomniatic] says: (11:20:47 PM)this is darma..

(w) [Insomniatic] says: (11:20:50 PM)darma, ni hafez

Darma says: (11:20:50 PM)Hi

(w) [Insomniatic] says: (11:20:54 PM)kenalan!

Darma says: (11:20:54 PM)hi hfez

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:20:55 PM)hi darma

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:21:01 PM)swt -_-'

Darma says: (11:21:02 PM)canhe speak indo?

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:21:07 PM)can

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:21:12 PM)but im not used to it

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:21:13 PM)haha

Darma says: (11:21:15 PM)ooo

(w) [Insomniatic] says: (11:21:17 PM)lol....outa practice, no doubt

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:21:18 PM)sry!

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:21:24 PM)yea..u got that right

Darma says: (11:21:41 PM)where do you go to school hfez?

(w) [Insomniatic] says: (11:22:27 PM)HAFEZ!!! ngacang ni anak

Darma says: (11:22:47 PM)hafez

(w) [Insomniatic] says: (11:22:47 PM)...

Darma says: (11:22:49 PM)wew

(w) [Insomniatic] says: (11:22:51 PM)hafez?

(w) [Insomniatic] says: (11:22:53 PM)...

.(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:23:03 PM)hey

(w) [Insomniatic] says: (11:23:04 PM)damn, boy, what r u doin? off for a leak?

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:23:05 PM)sry!

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:23:08 PM)haha

Darma says: (11:23:09 PM)we

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:23:11 PM)got distracted

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:23:16 PM)im in malaysia!!

(w) [Insomniatic] says: (11:23:16 PM)by the gay guy?

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:23:19 PM)kim!

(w) [Insomniatic] says: (11:23:21 PM)yes??

Darma says: (11:23:23 PM)i'm destroying my pimple

Darma says: (11:23:24 PM)wew

Darma says: (11:23:26 PM)hoho

(w) [Insomniatic] says: (11:23:27 PM)ewwww

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:23:28 PM)...........

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:23:30 PM).......

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:23:30 PM)........

(w) [Insomniatic] says: (11:23:33 PM)jorok bgt....

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:23:34 PM)u have my habit!

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:23:37 PM)haha

Darma says: (11:23:37 PM)wew

(w) [Insomniatic] says: (11:23:38 PM)OH GROSS!!!

(w) [Insomniatic] says: (11:23:41 PM)lol!

Darma says: (11:23:44 PM)hfezz how old r u?

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:23:47 PM)im 21

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:23:49 PM)u?

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:23:52 PM)shhhhhh kim

(w) [Insomniatic] says: (11:23:53 PM)LIAR!!!

Darma says: (11:23:56 PM)wew

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:23:56 PM)hahahahahahha

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:24:02 PM)17 actually...18 this year

(w) [Insomniatic] says: (11:24:02 PM)lol, u loser!

Darma says: (11:24:05 PM)oo

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:24:07 PM)legal age to do anything.. is it?

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:24:07 PM)XD

(w) [Insomniatic] says: (11:24:11 PM)nope

Darma says: (11:24:15 PM)so u need a lot of protection tools

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:24:19 PM)omg

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:24:24 PM)ur a straight forward person

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:24:26 PM)hahahahha

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:24:32 PM)im getting abit spookd..

Darma says: (11:24:41 PM)hoho

(w) [Insomniatic] says: (11:24:47 PM)lol

(w) [Insomniatic] says: (11:24:55 PM)im gna bite back my laughter

Darma says: (11:25:02 PM)cause now that ur legally able to marry, so be safe

(w) [Insomniatic] says: (11:25:12 PM)(snort)

Darma says: (11:25:16 PM)what month is ur birthday?

Darma says: (11:25:17 PM)hoho

(w) [Insomniatic] says: (11:25:27 PM)july?? rite?

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:25:43 PM)july

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:25:43 PM)ya

Darma says: (11:26:01 PM)heitch

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:26:03 PM)i'm a cancer.. i hope i won't have cancer

Darma says: (11:26:12 PM)Hfezz? is that ur real name?

(w) [Insomniatic] says: (11:26:33 PM)lol....kacang deeeeeeee

Darma says: (11:26:59 PM)wew

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:27:15 PM)yea

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:27:17 PM)hafez

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:27:25 PM)u know how i look like?

Darma says: (11:27:29 PM)what a cool name

Darma says: (11:27:30 PM)hmmDarma says: (11:27:32 PM)nope

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:27:41 PM)juz think of the most hansdsome man u can think of

(w) [Insomniatic] says: (11:27:49 PM)lol, u wiiiishh!

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:27:51 PM)yea... im not that man

Darma says: (11:27:53 PM)ohhhh

(w) [Insomniatic] says: (11:27:55 PM)LOL!

Darma says: (11:27:59 PM)ohhhDarma says: (11:28:00 PM)ohhh

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:28:01 PM)hahahaha

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:28:02 PM)XD

Darma says: (11:28:42 PM)hmm

Darma says: (11:28:53 PM)i wonder what is ur orientation?

Darma says: (11:28:58 PM)r u straight gay or bi?

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:30:05 PM)i'm what u think i am

Darma says: (11:30:13 PM)wew

(w) [Insomniatic] says: (11:30:19 PM)....that doesn't answer the question..

Darma says: (11:30:31 PM)wew

Darma says: (11:30:36 PM)kim

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:30:41 PM)do i even have the option to answer it?

Darma says: (11:30:41 PM)tell him to get wild

Darma says: (11:30:45 PM)hoho

Darma says: (11:30:46 PM)yup

Darma says: (11:30:48 PM)three opt

Darma says: (11:30:49 PM)s

Darma says: (11:30:59 PM)gay .  straight. or bi

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:31:26 PM)if i say i was gay.. are u interested?

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:31:30 PM)i don sell cheap

Darma says: (11:31:45 PM)oo

(w) [Insomniatic] says: (11:31:48 PM)omg....

Darma says: (11:32:01 PM)depends how good is ur body and ur face..

(w) [Insomniatic] says: (11:32:36 PM)krik krik

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:32:46 PM)well

Darma says: (11:32:50 PM)r u interested?

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:32:53 PM)sure

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:32:55 PM)but..

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:33:08 PM)i hope u don't mind this 6 packs of mine

Darma says: (11:33:48 PM)hmmm... it's so usual

Darma says: (11:33:56 PM)can i get the 8 packs one?

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:34:13 PM)8 packs don't exist...

Darma says: (11:34:23 PM)it's exist

Darma says: (11:34:32 PM)wew

Darma says: (11:34:34 PM)wrong grammar

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:34:36 PM)no..is ur imagination

Darma says: (11:34:40 PM)nope

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:34:52 PM)seriously... u would love my body if u see it

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:34:58 PM)i think u would even lick it

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:35:03 PM)cuz u cant stand the temptation

Darma says: (11:35:05 PM)can i just bite it?

Darma says: (11:35:15 PM)why you offering me the usual thing?

Darma says: (11:35:24 PM)i like the wild and unusual one!

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:35:26 PM)i don't like biting.. i like it soft

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:35:31 PM)so ur not my type(

F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:35:34 PM)sorry then

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:35:35 PM)is ur lost

Darma says: (11:35:42 PM)hmmDarma says: (11:36:14 PM)hmm

Darma says: (11:37:04 PM)if u're that good. why don't u put ur picture in MSN?

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:37:51 PM)i have

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:38:09 PM)u want the censored want?

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:38:22 PM)*ONE

Darma says: (11:38:31 PM)hmm

Darma says: (11:38:32 PM)okDarma says: (11:38:36 PM)where where?

Darma says: (11:38:47 PM)duh duh duh

Darma says: (11:38:50 PM)dah mau tiodur ni

Darma says: (11:38:51 PM)wokwokw

(w) [Insomniatic] says: (11:38:57 PM)hahahaha

Darma says: (11:38:59 PM)harus serangan tergila trakhir

Darma says: (11:39:01 PM)wew

(w) [Insomniatic] says: (11:39:04 PM)hahaha

(w) [Insomniatic] says: (11:39:05 PM)ok dh!

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:39:30 PM)erm

Darma says: (11:39:33 PM)HFEZ

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:39:36 PM)tunggu esok lor

Darma says: (11:39:54 PM)wew

Darma says: (11:39:57 PM)ok

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:39:57 PM)i get 1 picture specially for u this night

(w) [Insomniatic] says: (11:40:02 PM)...

Darma says: (11:40:05 PM)mana?

Darma says: (11:40:16 PM)ME TOO!!!

Darma says: (11:40:41 PM)i'll give u one special picture for you this night

Darma says: (11:40:55 PM)hre you are.. mumu

(w) [Insomniatic] says: (11:41:06 PM)pffftttt....

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:41:10 PM)o.0

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:41:12 PM)can't wait..

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:41:22 PM)can send it fast?

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:41:24 PM)i cannot tahan..

Darma says: (11:41:27 PM)wew

Darma says: (11:41:38 PM)i showed it just now

Darma says: (11:41:39 PM)wew

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:41:50 PM)oh

(w) [Insomniatic] says: (11:41:53 PM)dy g bs ngliat emot

Darma says: (11:41:57 PM)wew

Darma says: (11:41:57 PM)wew

Darma says: (11:41:58 PM)wew

Darma says: (11:42:11 PM)hfez i;m goin to sleep neg

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:42:16 PM)alright

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:42:18 PM)goodbye saying

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:42:22 PM)will miss u

Darma says: (11:42:22 PM)got interesting pic 4 me this night?

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:42:28 PM)i'll save it for tmrw

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:42:30 PM)ok?

Darma says: (11:42:32 PM)hmmm ok

Darma says: (11:42:36 PM)muach muach

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:42:36 PM)i give u a special one

Darma says: (11:42:39 PM)kiss kiss

Darma says: (11:42:41 PM)crot crot

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:42:43 PM)muaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

Darma says: (11:43:06 PM)hey

Darma says: (11:43:17 PM)next time.. we use cam yah

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:43:21 PM)sure

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:43:29 PM)im afraid kim cannot join

Darma says: (11:43:33 PM)ya

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:43:33 PM)only both of us k

Darma says: (11:43:36 PM)ok

Darma says: (11:43:41 PM)bye

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:43:42 PM)bye

Darma says: (11:43:43 PM)love ya

(w) [Insomniatic] says: (11:43:47 PM)lol! omg...

(F)fizzy(F) poo poo = shit says: (11:43:48 PM)u too

 Darma has left the conversation.

 

          Omg omg omg omg!! Lol! So grossss!! Makes you real squirmy! And the funny thing is is that they’re both STRAIGHT! Lol! I think Hafez’s traumatized and he gots work tomorrow! LOL!. O well, he’ll live. Sorry I ddnt make it all nice n pretty…im too lazy to make it more legible…the msn convo btw. I’ll check back tomorrow! Or more like…today.

 

          It’s kind of Odd to be writing a blog when you keep a journal…a NEGLECTED ONE! YIKES! I gotta get back to it…

Relationships and memories..

          I fell asleep yesterday in the midst of my Physics papers; having crumpled paper pushed up to my skin and marking temporary creases to make me look rumpled and slightly surreal under the fluorescent, bathroom lights when I awoke the next morning on my own at 5.21; as sickly as can be. I brushed my teeth with only two mistakes (I bopped my nose and my cheek with the toothbrush twice) and groped my way back into my room where I blinked at the bright room with a scowl; i had left it on last night. 

          I finished my physics homework by about 6 and hopped in the shower, yelping when the sudden cascade of freezing cold shower blasted my skin numb. The day doesn't go by without me at least swearing once in the morning...so I got ready and stuffed my homework and other various necessities in my blue, messenger bag and waited for my brothers outside while fending off Koffee (my beagle...the kyootest, most photogenic doggie :D) so that she doesn't dirty me with her mud- paws. I got to school at about 7.15 feeling extremely tired and annoyed (the latter was because I realized I haven't finished my English homework) and definitely harassed by the horribly bright sun. I found later that two of my friends that is currently in a relationship, Darma and Bianca, has a squabble...or near to it, anywhoo (they didn't quite shout or glare at each other). I, being the overly curious person I am, went out and sought out what was wrong...Darma didn't tell me anything at first so I was left to assume that Bianca was angry at him because he joked about cutting himself the other night (It turns out he didn't! How dare he joke about that! It made me want to smack him in the face but seeing as he was in distraught of his girl problem, I left him be). Flew by, the day and during Mathematics period I (sat next to Bianca so I saw the whole thing unfold) finally knew what was wrong. From the corner of my eye as I scribbled chicken scratches that was suppose to resemble a mathematical problem's solution I saw Bianca passing notes with Darma. She had this rare pissed off expression on her face and I immediately knew that Darma's definitely done something very very wrong...I wouldn't be surprised if the sky turned black and all began to wither in sorrow cause when you get Bianca down you're done for cause if loads of her friends knew, you'd be killed! Especially since she's got Mich on her side (and me! whoot!). So anywhoo....I watched as they passed the paper back and forth to each other with Bianca passing notes with me too but I wrote the questions and she answered in gestures and expressions, and suddenly, she passed me her notes she's passed with Darma and what I read had one...or maybe two rude lines. Honestly, at that moment I felt like getting up, grabbing Darma by the scruff of his uniform and yell at him for being so rude and insensitive but I cannot for as soon as I returned the paper, I blinked and saw Bianca's eyes reddening with a tear sliding down the bridge of her nose. The words I was to shout at that ungrateful-bastard was caught up in my throat and I stood up abruptly, ignoring Mr. Allan's stare (oh shut it, man! You certainly can't control me anymore...) and fixated my gaze on Bianca where I crooned her with a gentle nudge to get up and go to the bathroom where she'd be able to release that dam of tears (if there was a whole dam) in the comfort of the bathroom's privacy..or at least away from her boyfriend and my momentarily-an-oaf friend.

          When the bathroom door swung shut, Bianca swayed a little and began to explain in her wavering voice that threatened to spill out sobs when I asked her if she was ok. She reached out for me later and I complied, pulling her in an embrace I hoped to be comforting for I know not if it was for I'm not exactly familiar with these affectionate and empathy thing. She began to sob out what's been bugging her and I tried to hush her tears and ease a little of her heart's burden. After the whole period passed without Mr. Allan running out to look to see if we've skipped his class, she left with Christine and Anky and I left with Mel to sought out Darma to fix this mess. I know Bianca told me not to do anything but I know that if nothing's done now this would drag on for days. I broke it to him straight forward, I didn't want to beat around the bush, there's no spoon feeding for him this time for he's hurt his girlfriend that happened to be a friend I'd like to keep safe from any harm. I smacked him with the silver spoon hard and told him he's to apologise in a way that'll show he really really means it and we settled with a classic rose. 

          We hectically spun around the school in search for permission to leave school premises to buy this promised rose for Bianca but was denied quite harshly by our vice principal, Mr. Aeran who sat quite pompously in his too-small office chair in his tight-compact-star-wars-figure-filled office. My face fell for I've done a wonderful job convincing two teachers to let us off school premises and getting their signature and all was for nothing when I've asked oh-so-sweetly to Mr. Aeran but he, being the considerate man that's once been in Darma's position (maybe??) allowed him to go out and tell his driver to buy such rose whilst we waited during Chemistry class that THANKFULLY postponed the test we are to have tomorrow..lovely. After we achieved in receiving the rose (it wasn't exactly made well. Presentation wise, I mean...Mich and I could've done better and will definitely do better when we set up that flower stand on valentines day!) we scampered off to English class where I called Bianca out of the class and (drum roll) they made up! The class went "awwww" As Bianca walk in with the rose, her face hardly able to contain the smile. It was all so sweet but then again it reminded me of how men can bring you such troubles...and reminded me of "him". 

          "Him"? "He" is this evil person that I sometimes wonder if he and all that's passed between us was a dream. I'm embarassed to say that I've missed him terribly and is contemplating wether to keep him close and forever let myself go by the year with a pained scowl and frown on my face whenever I see anything that would associate to him...little fragments of him are scattered everywhere I go...sometimes it's too overwhelming and I have to stop and give myself a good face rub and mental screams to reassure my thumping heart and hyperventilating lungs. Enough of him though...I'm not to think of him...or try not too...even if the thought of him lies in a thick layer beneath my consciousness, ready to jump between the spaces of my muddled thoughts and fill it, spreading like a plague...a wonderful one...or deadly? Where are you?!

          So the day ended with me arriving home and stuffing myself with chocolate cake (leftovers from my brother's birthday), trying to ease my headache and stomach ache with sweets. It usually works. Don't you think Life seems to roll on by in a dreary manner? I mean...what's the purpose to it anymore if you can't even enjoy it when there's already no meaning? or yet to be decided. God help me and the world I live in...help us all if you exist. I'm sorry I don't exactly believe you but bless us anyway for we're all sinners.....we're all born into sin as a test wether we're to go to Heaven or Hell and be your everyday life, entertainment dolls.

          OH! and btw...today, the Dentist had a haircut! It was DEFINITELY ABNORMAL FOR HIM! I mean..it was crop short and slightly poofy on top so it made him resemble a tomato which amused Melica and I the whole day. Melica and I bought tickets to the Switchfoot concert through Darma and the Korean farewell concert to support them...Oh life....give me something interesting to live through...something exciting. Something adventurous...something out of this world!

First post: Salutations! I'm diving straight into it

Blogs...Expressing yourself through posted messages on the internet. For all to see. For all eye's to scour upon and scrutinize in hope to see what exactly lies behind that tight screen of words. Simple charming...NOT. It's slightly scary, don't you think? I do it for the heck of it, in the spur of boredome and procrastination (my homework, dammit). So anywhoo, let me bore you of my disgustingly normal life to which some would view as a joke...

Monday Morning? A fuckin torture. Honestly! You're hungover from all the fun you've had during the weekends and an eye-shut later you're expected to be back on your feet, by some imaginary force that feeds off parents and teachers, and is to open your arms and mouth; ready to embrace the horribly, painful embracing, swallowing and digesting of knowledge we're supposedly to receive from our oh-so-lovely teachers. I woke up later than my usual 5.45 to a not so heavenly sound (my alarm. Sometimes I'd fling it at the far end of my room where it'd fall with a clatter and dim out...but would repeat that same blaring, blasted alarm. Forcing me to get my butt out of bed and shut the damnt hing off) and was stumbling into the bathroom at 6.10; cursing and pushing my brothers back into their rooms (we share one bathroom...pairing up an already-way-too-angsty young adolescent human being and two ghastly-dweeby-annoying-know-it-all midgets was never a good idea) so I could somehow rid myself of dead cells and bacteria in 5 minutes. Somehow, I made it without falling flat on my face or on my side like last week (the bruise's still there on my hip, urgh) and was in the car, balancing my bread and egg salad breakfast on my lap. 

I lived through this morning's assembly quite well. I didn't mutter curses and claims that would contradict Mr. Manish (this fat, king-kong look-a-like that wishes to turn all of us to God-loving-zombies where all our purpose to live is praise and worship the One and ONLY father...oh how sexist is the bible. God's not MAN NOR IS HE WOMAN!) as much as I would the previous week and scampered off to Physics class where I proceeded to pass the time daydreaming, doodling and passing notes with Melica under the teacher's nose. Of course I've taken my notes too. Girls are just born multitaskers. We simply rock at it and leave some of the male species in awe (we scoff and laugh at this fact). Time crawled by with General Paper class simply turned into a virtual pinball competition between me and Melica and our weird fun of naming the high-score names ridiculous, incoherent words that you would definitely not find in the dictionary this century. What was actually worth reading happens next. Right after our useless Further Mathematics class (Mr. Chako, being unpresent, was substituted by "Don't call me sir" Erwin who seemed slightly intimidated by us for he'd scuttle away when he talks even if we sat still in our chairs), Pure Mathematics. Do not ask why I take both Pure Mathematics and Further Pure Mathematics, the first is required and the latter required by my parents. Anyways, Mathematics started off extremely rowdy. Being a bored teenager, it wouldn't be a surprise to anyone (or is shouldn't) that we'd rebel and refuse to do anything but play. We asked Mr. Allan (Our rumoured-to-be-gay-and-pedo teacher that once was socked by the computer teacher, Mr. Jayson, for trying to hit on him) if we could somehow have a little fun alongside our studies and he refused very violently. Our reaction to his reaction's simple. We're not stupid people, we know that this teacher's quite laidback and easy to manipulate so we slowly pulled and stretched questions and explanations to waste time or to simply run away from learning Geometric series and other crap. Just a little after the first period he simply blew up! He went berserk! He shouted, banged his hands, threw around his books and slammed the door! It'd be the coolest thing he's ever done if only his eyes hadn't clouded over to a lightly murky and dull colour that reddened with a tinge of dirty-canary-yellow that makes it look as if it's about to pop out or leak out a waterfall of tears. Honestly...we were just trying to reason that it'd be better to learn Logarithms now rather than continue when we'll use it tons and need it during many occasions but no, he wanted to stay his ground and scream at us that we're being horrible to him and being unreasonably stupid when we're the so called "best class of the school". Is that really so? I mean...doesn't it piss you off (at least a little bit) that they give you such high expectations and expect you to fill it! and when you don't reach that expectations they say that they have a friggin right to yell at you and tell you what stupid asses you are for not being able to reach the goal they set. I don't know...all in all there's simply nothing exciting in school and we get cheap fun outa buggin the teachers. What the hell...

I really should get to finishing my homework soon. English, General Paper, and Physics....OH! and a Chemistry test to study for. Lovely. Simply lovely. Brain usage abuse should be illegal...if it gets even worse when we grow older i'll be driven insane! Seriously...people that has suicidal and homicidal tendencies should not be put in any kind of stress so to not provoke any crazy actions. A friend of mine, Darma, has just cut himself. Some people think cutting is gross. Some people think it stupid. Some people think it cool. Some people don't think much about it. Some people...do it too. I'm the latter. Cutting's bad...People cut...for what? They have their own reasons. Leave 'em alone. They'll reach for your hand eventually! Funny though, that whenever some of us reach out is the time when all eyes look the other way only to turn back and fixate on you when you've cowered off to lick your wounds, slit open and squeezed dry of blood, rubbed with vinegar, salt and lemon by LIfe all mighty.

I'm actually gonna work now....hahaha, funny, I know.